Reminder to self.

Have you ever reach a point of time where you stop and think what do you really want in life? Then you think back about what you've done earlier and start to miss those time. That innocent, reckless, living like there's no tomorrow, kind of life. I'm starting to get very pissed with myself on how I get worked out over tiny things now a days. I feel like I got nothing to do now except studying (you know it sucks so freaking much to see myself being that bloody guai girl). Rejecting night life, reducing hang outs, abstaining cigarettes. When I started this lifestyle I was telling myself how good it would be to my studies, my health, my relationship, etc. But come to think about it again, it motherfuk B.O.R.I.N.G!!! Thinking about being more holy, I don't think that by abstaining from those activities makes me more holy than before. Neither does those activities make people more filthy. Seriously, to think about it, it's that character that matters the most isn't it? I feel that when I'm free from those activities I tend to have a lot more free time. So when I tend to have more of those free time, I JUDGE. Judge what? People of course. Like think how silly people are still not getting out of that life. But think again, do you think judging is less a sin than all those activities? I don't think so. Perhaps I judging cos I'm jealous? IDK. But I think about it now, I hate the part of me doing that. It's damn loser-ish, how it is so one-sided. That person ain't judging you yet you're judging him/her (in the first place, nobody has the right to judge). And when I think about it now, I know that I'm less judgey before (or not at all) because I'm busy with what I'm doing, I don't care what people say of me. So what more to say I have the time to judge? Not that I'm judging a lot of people right now (don't worry), just that I know if I do not stop myself now, I will be that judgey person which I don't wanna be. I'm writing this out so that it serves as an reminder of what I wanna be/don't wanna be. Maybe maybe, I should spend this time to think about what I can do, like a even better plan for myself. A balance between night life and school maybe?

I feel like a 100% otaku now, other than studies, I read (a little), watch 2ne1tv, running man, surf 9gag, facebook, go dinner w my mum or my bf. zz BORING. Worse still, alvin having major exams and assignments, so we don't go town to shop or what. We go starbucks... So when I have no homework, I will watch those shows. Sometimes I really feel disgusted with my lifestyle. It's been a few weeks since I stepped into town. zz

FML.
☹