Indeed.

I'm trying

This post marks the 1st day of me gyming after 4 years. Cant believe I went for the one on one assessment alone and actually enjoyed my alone time. If you know me well enough, you'll know that I hate being alone, so this time I'm starting to embrace it. Time to start embracing the pain...

First step, done. Next, found a beautiful and extremely quiet cafe (I was literally the only one there). So many things flooded my mind, but was v thankful for the peace.

Surprisingly appts went quite OK today and I'm quite chill during appts, didn't receive any shocking news or rejection. Heart not ready. Went for final class at 830pm, whole arms are aching like cray. Not sure if I can walk tmrw.

Good luck to me :(

Good night world x



Hello World

Hi there, whoever is even reading this... It's been awhile since I've revisited this blog. Read through a couple pages of what has happened. Felt that life kinda fast forwarded itself on me.

4 years have passed... 

What the flying fuck.

But I guess it's a good time to do this stock take now. Been trying to get myself v busy at work and not come home so early so I will tire myself at night so I can sleep like a baby... But I guess my mind is still much stronger cos it keeps wondering non stop. I was actually inspired by Bianca Sparacino to start writing again. It's not so much to capture the poetic essence, but to capture these moments and emotions that were crucial to this part of my life.

You must be expecting me to write out my emotions now... But nope, B has it all written out:

Maybe you don’t end up with the person your heart chooses. Maybe that’s not how life works. Maybe you don’t get what you want. Maybe you end up finding what you need, and maybe the Universe knows what you need more than you do.

Maybe love changes. Maybe it goes from “I’ll wait up and call you after work,” to “I’m going to sleep, I’m tired.” Maybe it goes from “You have nothing to worry about,” to “I really wish you didn’t overthink so much.” Maybe it goes from “I choose you,” to “I have to choose myself right now.”

Maybe love isn’t one of those things that grows with certain people. Maybe you become too big for it. Maybe it becomes too uncomfortable, too small for who you change into. Maybe it’s like that sweater you always loved growing up, or your childhood bed. You learn to appreciate it for what it was, but you come to terms with the fact that you have outgrown it. You learn to let it go. 

And maybe letting go of love isn’t some loud celebration at the end of a dark tunnel. Maybe letting go is the moment you decide that you can no longer keep the past alive inside of you. Maybe it is quiet, maybe there is no checklist, or way of telling if it has actually happened. Maybe it is simply just you learning how to release your grip, how to let things be, how to lay down your arms. Maybe that is how it's done — in the silence of it all, in the calmness of everyday life.

I am starting to learn that maybe walking away is the best thing you can do for yourself, and for the person you love. Maybe walking away is you making peace with the fact that sometimes things and people and happiness changes. Maybe it is the bravest thing you can do. Maybe, when you walk away, you’re not making the biggest mistake of your life. Maybe, when you walk away, your life is just beginning.

Words: @rainbowsalt

This was what I wanted to post, 4 years ago.

It's been more than a year since I touched this space. Things have changed so much since then.

Heading back to sunny island in 20 days. I've been having mixed feelings about that. This time, I'm going back there for good. The thought of packing all my belongings, leaving my favorite job, selling my beloved benz and renting out my room, its just ....... (I don't even know how to describe that).

On the positive note, I can't wait to see my mom and my grandma. It's been a year. Things have changed so much in Singapore, grandma's getting weaker each day. I just want to see her one last time, I really hope she can pull through till I'm back.

I had a nightmare the other day; I dreamt that grams passed away the day after my return. I didn't get to see her, because I was out with my friends for supper. How apt?

Pretty freaked out by that. So to make sure this doesn't happen, once I put down

Sunday; long day.

Screwed up my beautiful Sunday morning because I slept friggin' late on Saturday. But thankfully I had my eight hours of beauty sleep. Started my day prepping for Mr Asia (to support Zachary Minghan) and AASU banquet.

With Jolene and her favorite four shots with quirky faces. 

 Beloved party animal; love her to bits - dins.

 So yes, I went for AASU banquet and ate lots of fried junk. I asked alvin if I should gym even if it's at 2a.m. - he said yes. 

And it's 5.30a.m. now.
Good night.