Hello World

Hi there, whoever is even reading this... It's been awhile since I've revisited this blog. Read through a couple pages of what has happened. Felt that life kinda fast forwarded itself on me.

4 years have passed... 

What the flying fuck.

But I guess it's a good time to do this stock take now. Been trying to get myself v busy at work and not come home so early so I will tire myself at night so I can sleep like a baby... But I guess my mind is still much stronger cos it keeps wondering non stop. I was actually inspired by Bianca Sparacino to start writing again. It's not so much to capture the poetic essence, but to capture these moments and emotions that were crucial to this part of my life.

You must be expecting me to write out my emotions now... But nope, B has it all written out:

Maybe you don’t end up with the person your heart chooses. Maybe that’s not how life works. Maybe you don’t get what you want. Maybe you end up finding what you need, and maybe the Universe knows what you need more than you do.

Maybe love changes. Maybe it goes from “I’ll wait up and call you after work,” to “I’m going to sleep, I’m tired.” Maybe it goes from “You have nothing to worry about,” to “I really wish you didn’t overthink so much.” Maybe it goes from “I choose you,” to “I have to choose myself right now.”

Maybe love isn’t one of those things that grows with certain people. Maybe you become too big for it. Maybe it becomes too uncomfortable, too small for who you change into. Maybe it’s like that sweater you always loved growing up, or your childhood bed. You learn to appreciate it for what it was, but you come to terms with the fact that you have outgrown it. You learn to let it go. 

And maybe letting go of love isn’t some loud celebration at the end of a dark tunnel. Maybe letting go is the moment you decide that you can no longer keep the past alive inside of you. Maybe it is quiet, maybe there is no checklist, or way of telling if it has actually happened. Maybe it is simply just you learning how to release your grip, how to let things be, how to lay down your arms. Maybe that is how it's done — in the silence of it all, in the calmness of everyday life.

I am starting to learn that maybe walking away is the best thing you can do for yourself, and for the person you love. Maybe walking away is you making peace with the fact that sometimes things and people and happiness changes. Maybe it is the bravest thing you can do. Maybe, when you walk away, you’re not making the biggest mistake of your life. Maybe, when you walk away, your life is just beginning.

Words: @rainbowsalt

I don't wanna expire.

I’m starting to get it. I’m starting to get the flow of writing – maybe it’s the reading, maybe it’s the time, but I’m starting to think about things a lot more. Well, not about random scenes, but about life. It sounds kind of boring when I type it out, but I’m starting to get intrigued by the stuff I can possibly think about.

Someone posted me a question, “What you gonna do in 5 years time?” That question is easy, cause I have it pictured – my career. Then he asked, “What about 10 years?” That was rather easy too, cause I know by then I would need to find a partner to get married to.

“When you hit 40?” That was so tough and what kept popping in my mind was marriage. I used to think that marriage is the last thing in my mind. Well yes, not in my mind right NOW. Especially when you read and watch reality TV/talk shows, 22 and tied down to a relationship? HELL NO!!! Think about it, to be stable at 22 means you have to see that dude for the next 40 years?! You might want to think a zillion times.

I constantly ask myself why, why marriage, since I’ve been constantly telling myself that marriage doesn’t mean eternity – it’s just a status, or worse, a paper. The only reason I could think of would be the companionship I need. I need someone there to love me, someone there to care for me. Knowing that I’ve expired, that person still sees value in me. Think about it. If you’re a can food in the grocery store, there are 3 scenes I could think of, would you rather be:

1. Swiped off the shelf first; get eaten; get thrown in the bin/recycled
2. Get off the shelf just before the expiry date; get eaten; get thrown in the bin/recycled
3.   Hit expiry date and be thrown in the bin (obviously this can’t be recycled – nobody recycles food)

Type 1 sounds cool, cause you hopped off first, but think again, if you’re that great there’s no rush to jump away and hide your beauty right?

Type 2 would be my favorite and possibly the best time to get off (IN MY OPINION), because you should have more then enough time observing the surroundings, so before you’re thrown away find a family and start something new!

Type 3 would be the position I hope I will not end up in. I don’t wanna face my old age as an old maid…

I felt I just wasted so much time typing that common sense analogy above; but I’m still going to post it because that seemed like a significant chunk. Ahh, back to the topic of hitting 40; in 3 short questions I was asked about being 40. Coincident or not, I was reading Norwegian Wood and it started talking about Kizuki’s death. Although it does not have any close relation to what I’m talking about, death does – well its not easy to come across books talking about death; not the books I often read at least.

Life is short. That’s what everyone says isn’t it? So cliché. But it hasn’t been that short until I think about it. I started to feel that whatever problems I’m facing, they are so tiny, almost microscopic. There are so many things I need to achieve before I start to hit my expiry date. I feel that I’ve so many things to learn, there are so many people out there who are so capable – it makes me feel that my brain is a peanut. It’s probably time for me to zoom-out of my situation and take a look at the big picture. Macro is amazing; it catches the finest details – wide angle is incredible cause it catches EVERYTHING.

Ugly Day

I'm doomed. Almost? Having this little 15mins I can choose to pack up some daily necessities, go grab a LAN cable, etc, but I chose to blog about my screwed up days. I'm leaving tmrw and I only have 4 jeans and maybe 8 sweaters/jackets packed, all other things were dumped on top of my luggage and I've yet to find time to pack them in. I've been drinking every night consecutively since aug7. Maybe it's only 2-3 days that I did not touch liquor at all? Which explains why I'm ballooning up so quickly. 7 calories per gram, oh gosh. Today is the only day I'm feeling all sucky; regretting about crying last night cos now my eyes are so bloody swollen. My eyelids, they are so fking thick (imma post a picture below). I'm going to meet jos in an hour's time, with my ugs face. I better go prepare now...

Hope*

Feeling very lifted for no reason.
When I'm typing, I'm thinking of you at the same time.
I miss you.
I suddenly miss that night when we watched notebook together.
That night I kept crying and crying non stop.
I love how you comfort me.
I want you to do it again.
Though I'm not feeling at all sad, I just want you to brush your giant hands against my face.
That feeling. . .
So loved, so protected.
I wish you were here right now,
Right behind me to hug me so tightly.

How I wish when I post this, you will be at my blog page, reading it.
Then maybe at 2.30am cycle over, surprise me at my door step.
It's not 11:11. But I hope this will come true.

HOPE*

Reminder to self.

Have you ever reach a point of time where you stop and think what do you really want in life? Then you think back about what you've done earlier and start to miss those time. That innocent, reckless, living like there's no tomorrow, kind of life. I'm starting to get very pissed with myself on how I get worked out over tiny things now a days. I feel like I got nothing to do now except studying (you know it sucks so freaking much to see myself being that bloody guai girl). Rejecting night life, reducing hang outs, abstaining cigarettes. When I started this lifestyle I was telling myself how good it would be to my studies, my health, my relationship, etc. But come to think about it again, it motherfuk B.O.R.I.N.G!!! Thinking about being more holy, I don't think that by abstaining from those activities makes me more holy than before. Neither does those activities make people more filthy. Seriously, to think about it, it's that character that matters the most isn't it? I feel that when I'm free from those activities I tend to have a lot more free time. So when I tend to have more of those free time, I JUDGE. Judge what? People of course. Like think how silly people are still not getting out of that life. But think again, do you think judging is less a sin than all those activities? I don't think so. Perhaps I judging cos I'm jealous? IDK. But I think about it now, I hate the part of me doing that. It's damn loser-ish, how it is so one-sided. That person ain't judging you yet you're judging him/her (in the first place, nobody has the right to judge). And when I think about it now, I know that I'm less judgey before (or not at all) because I'm busy with what I'm doing, I don't care what people say of me. So what more to say I have the time to judge? Not that I'm judging a lot of people right now (don't worry), just that I know if I do not stop myself now, I will be that judgey person which I don't wanna be. I'm writing this out so that it serves as an reminder of what I wanna be/don't wanna be. Maybe maybe, I should spend this time to think about what I can do, like a even better plan for myself. A balance between night life and school maybe?

I feel like a 100% otaku now, other than studies, I read (a little), watch 2ne1tv, running man, surf 9gag, facebook, go dinner w my mum or my bf. zz BORING. Worse still, alvin having major exams and assignments, so we don't go town to shop or what. We go starbucks... So when I have no homework, I will watch those shows. Sometimes I really feel disgusted with my lifestyle. It's been a few weeks since I stepped into town. zz

FML.
☹

DREADING CNY

Oh dear, it's already CNY eve and I still don't know what to wear for CNY:( Didn't really have time and mood for CNY shopping this year. Didn't even bother doing much to my hair, nails or whatever. Does that mean that I'm too old for this alr? Actually I went for CNY shopping once la, with joe few days back. We met in the evening then we went topshop. I bought this floral top thats on the sale rack (seriously I really can't be bothered to spend so much for new year - whats worse? CNY always so fking hot, wear so nice also no point), when I tried it it looks fine. But when I went home to try again... GANASAI.zz. So now bobian situation alr. Time to go search all those clothes that I bought but never wear before kind to rescue my new year... Sian uh theres a reason why I don't wear those clothes (cos they don't look as nice lor)..

okay no more rambling, time to find clothes.
g.night!

I think I found myself

I've school in a few hours time and yea, tonight I can't get myself to bed again. I hate nights like that. You know people always say Hollywood is a gimmick, nothing is real there. But you now what, I found myself another song that I can totally relate to. But maybe this time it's a little different. This song is my waking up song. Maybe it's calling me to clean up those tears at night. I have to find myself back. Tiny errors should not be barriers holding me back. I realized I've been magnifying my problems. I've been getting myself to stress over a possible C grade in my module. I've been worrying about how people will think if things changed. I've been scrapping my own hurt wound at these nights -telling myself how badly I'm hurt when it's time carry on. My family problem, I've been crying on it when my parents already tell me it will be fine. When I list it all out, I feel so pathetic, shouldn't I already get over all these days back? It's been bout a week already I suppose. Time to slap myself to reality.

Day 3: It'll get better in time

Thought I couldnt live without you
Its gonna hurt when it heals too

It'll all get better in time

Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to

It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and meIts time I let you go so I can be free

And live my life how it should be

No matter how hard it is,

I'll be fine without you
Yes i will...

Yes, I ripped this small part out from Leona Lewis' better in time.
And ya, this is exactly what I want to express...

Things ain't going well and I'm trying to cope. If you feel that I'm acting all weird and not doing things to expectations, please try to understand. The things that are haunting me now are not just relational problems but family problem and school work. There are things that I don't feel like saying so please don't ask me bout it. I will tell when I feel like telling. I'm not trying to be bitchy here, I just need some understanding.

Thanks for all the love and concern. I will be better in time♥

I'M TIRED AND I NEED A BREAK

I guess this is not the first time you've heard me say that I'm tired of shits. I know in this fast paced society, everyone needs space, everyone long for breaks. Stress and problems are definitely inevitable. But maybe this time I'm not as motivated to move through this... I feel like giving up. So many things happened this week. And it hit me that anything bad can happen to anyone. There's not warning. Life is not gonna knock on your door and ask you to be careful. No matter how nice you're, how careful you're, there will be troubles you need to face. You know ever since then, my drive for success is no longer present. I see life as a short and fucked up bitch. And you will lose life if you don't play to be bitchier than life. You know, sometimes you see those fucked up kids living happier life than you do, etc? Okay maybe thats how the devilish and emokid me thinks. But on the other hand is the one that ask me to bring Jesus back in my life. Like how we get strength when we call upon him. I've been there before and I truly want it back. But with the piling homework and exams what can I do? Sometimes I really wonder if exams and homework are satan's work. They are nothing but trouble. Seriously I really wonder how I can survive another year in uni if I were to have this mindset. It's already 6 now. Need to get ready to go for dinner (san's bday celebration) at Tianfu. Okay at least I get to see those 'old people' whom I miss and love a lot (:

(ps. littleJ you need to get well soon ♥)

SAVE ME FROM THESE SHITSSS

So much things going on that I'm suffocating. Assignments, group project, readings, exams, alvin's birthday, westlife, outing with friends, meeting alvin, my blog. There are happy things there but because they require a significant part of my time, it stresses me up.

You know the feeling? So much things to do yet so little time. Someone asked me why I took 5 mods this sem, it makes me wonder why too. Seriously, why didn't I drop one first? I really don't wanna drop any subjects anymore. It's like 2k, 2k, in the drain.

Anyway have I told you how much I hate UGC? The assignments he gave = CRAZY. Almost every week, we are given the task to read the book he chose and write an essay of 6 pages. You know what sucked? The books! Now I'm supposed to complete this book by IRA BERLIN: The making of african america. Its so boring especially when you have no interest! Okay maybe a part in there interest me: how africans are tortured. They really described damn vividly how the torture was made. I can freaking imagine the scene.

Tell me about it! The front cover already so boring. Whats worse? You need to read it within 3days that kind so you will have enough time to do your essay. Okay some can say they use one day to complete a book. But do you know I have 5 mods? Geez where got time. Whatever luhh I shall crap through my essay!

Haii going to be 21 soon, not even looking forward. Feel so useless like I haven't achieve anything. Not even independent.

Need to stop rambling and start doing something already~

I WANT TO GAIN KARMA POINTS

Haven't touched this blog for quite awhile... I've been good! Wanted to blog about karma for quite awhile but don't seemed to have the time.

Okay what do you think bout karma? Do you believe it or not?

I wasn't all about it until people keep mentioning it. I think it's exceptionally true about karma being passed on to your next gen. Is like if you keep laughing at people be it their face or their disabilities, I think there will be karma on your kids.

Personally I damn scared about how my kids will look in future so I've been trying to gain good karma points. Alvin and I have been slapping each others mouth when we accidentally laughed at someone's disabilities. You know sometimes you saw that "weird looking" person and both of you happen to stare at each other then someone will start smiling all? Yea... we always like that-.- But no la... we didn't really like SLAP la... but got "piak piak" our own faces lor...

Also, I need to minimize the use of vulgarities. Not easy but I'll try. Whenever I do anything, I will think of karma points. It's good for your own image too...

Geez..I think I'm done w this. BYE!

best damn thing

I don't know how long is this gonna continue, but I really hope it would be forever. What am I talking about? My love for him. I think after so long, I've finally understood whats love. It used to be about me. I used to think that he should cherish me and love me more. I used to get angry with him cos things ain't going the way I want it to be. Like any other relationship, like any other guys, he make mistakes. But he also apologized. There's nothing serious in the things I get pissed with. Like any other relationships, we fluctuate. But everytime when things ain't going that well, he will put in that extra effort, he is willing to let down his ego. In our relationship, he only shouted at me once (that was prolly in our 2nd year tgt?) and he never did it again cos I told him I don't like the feeling of being shouted at. He respects me alot. He never used vulgarities to scold me when we quarrel. He may not be the rich dude who can buy me anything I want. But he gives me everything else that he can give. I know there are still many good guys around, and I'm already thankful that God gave me one. I'm more than contented. It's about us now. I like the time that we spend together. With common friends, common topics, family woes, happiness, we motivate each other, we go for jogs together. We're spending a lot more time talking. And I'm really happy that he's opening up to me to talk about girls (bcos I'm really sensitive about that). I really love how everything is going right now. I'm more sure than ever that he's feeling the same way. This is way more than I relationship and I can't be more thankful. He's my bestfriend (though he maybe the worse shopping partner), my soulmate, my older brother (he nags at me!!! a good thing though...), he's my everything. I think no one would really understand our relationship. Our relationship seems very shallow and common but I really think we went through alot (more than enough I should say). One day when I'm upset with him, I will definitely come back to realize how good he is to me and that he's too good a gem to lose. I love him more than ever and I don't want this spark to stop.

CAN FINALLY RIP

I felt so much better posting those things. I don't know how you actually like friends to be, but if you think that my way of doing things is unacceptable, you can stay away from me. If you think my statement/argument is flawed you can try raising such topics when you see me, then maybe we can have some discussion about this. Like I said, I rather solve indifferences than to have that disagreement inbetween. If you were my own friend, things would be much easier. I would have went to you and tell you what I don't like but cause I have some restrictions uhhh... I don't want to make things difficult for my loved one. So if you understand me, thank you :) But if you still don't get my point then I think you should stay away from me :(


GOOD NIGHT

I HATE PEOPLE WHO DON'T APPRECIATE ME

Spent so much time researching on trips to so many different places. I really got quite pissed off by some friend who actually requested for ridiculous deals. HELLO I'M NOT TRAVEL AGENCY LEH. I don't care if who is reading this and is feeling offended. Cos you already offended me. Seriously, if you not interested in going just say so. Nobody is forcing you. Really can't stand wishy washy people. Tell me you not interested I still think it's damn freaking fine! But why attempt to act like you really want to go then on the other hand come out w ridiculous requests (which you ownself know is not possible to fulfill la hor...). I don't need people to thank me for what I did, but at least get interested with what I'm telling you. Geez... Oh anyway if you don't like my way of doing things come tell me in my face. I'm not trying to pick a quarrel, just want to release my anger. Planning taiwan trip with my UB friends so much easier. Just need to whatsapp w them then after a phone call and synchronized checking of the flights tgt online everything is settled. I felt much happier too... I really feel much more comfortable talking to my own friends (and those whom I really regard as my own friends even though they are alvin's friends) cos they know me. They know what kind of person I'm, they accept me for who I'm. They appreciate me. Whats the point of going my back and say I'm very hot tempered? Yes I'm hot tempered but most of the time to Alvin only what. If someone really pisses me off I really think you should reflect on yourself too.. Hais cos Alvin and I got different ways of handling friendship, we always bicker about it. Like he will say how I'm hot tempered towards friends and I very opinionated all.. But to me when I have disagreements w my friends, I will go and talk to them and after that we will be better than ever... For me, I don't think that quarrels bring people apart, I think it binds them closer. But to alvin, quarrels will just make things awkward. Idk la but if I really treat someone genuinely, when I don't like or do not agree with that person's idea, behavior or dressing etc I will let them know. I won't be the one who goes like "oh not bad, also can, anything". Hais I've drifted off topic again... 

What to do? SUCK THUMB LORR...

I'm a Capricorn. I always seek for justice in everything. I have my own set of values, own set of thinking. Most of all, I always think I'm right. Especially when you don't explain yourself clearly, I will think you cannot support your own argument. Whats worse? I always question. Especially when the situation is unfair. I will always "UHHH... BUT IT NOT FAIR......." yadayadayada.... As I grew older I realize this is life. It's never gonna be fair. You have it good, people gonna have it better. There's nothing fair. When you don't get it you can only SUCK THUMB and hope for the better. And when you lower such expectations, things will definitely get better. 


Okay another thing. Few days back my mum was just telling me how girls should actually teh gong (means act dumb) at times. She told me how I'm always like some loud hailer always trying to tell people all I know is not gonna benefit me. Worse, I might even say the wrong thing. Hai so sad... She don't know I'm only talkative to people I know. She thought I forever talkative... Okay anyways I really need to learn to chill and speak only wise words if not my mouth is gonna haunt my future. 


So sian. Its 3.50am already and I'm worrying about all these. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only 20 year old thinking about all these. I think I'm too free... 


Okay gn.

I'M A SICK BITCH

Is hair dying an addiction? Because 3 weeks after dying my hair, I feel like dying it again! This time I want something even lighter! 
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Exams can you just kill yourself? I need a break. I want to hang w my friends, I want to go out and play. Why do you even exist when everyone hates you!?? 
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I realize i'm always complaining. 
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Hello there, if you're reading this may I know who are you? HAHAHA I wonder who reads my blog! This is so retarded. Okay if you're my friend please don't tell me you read my blog in my face. Cause I will shy. I will feel very awkward. I shy already then I will not blog when I'm sad, pissed or happy alr. I will attempt to close down my blog kind! This is the only personal blog that has survived thus far! Other than my learning blog (wordpress) and tumblr.
If you realize my blog is not the kind: want to attract random people to read sort. I just blog about my opinions and my frustration. So you can see most of the time its filled with WORDSSSSSS and no pictures. 
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HAHAHA okay I'm done with my nonsense. BYE!

OBEDIENT WIVES CLUB

Got this sudden urge to blog about the Obedient Wives Club (OWC) that I read few days back (I literally jump off my bed to get my laptop to blog)! Okay I know its been awhile since the OWC debate, though its a little late to write about it, I still need to express how I feel about the whole incident.

After knowing about this club that is created for women by women, I'm quite disappointed how the females did not protect their own, yet they stand on the extreme. It's not an issue that Female must fight against Male, but they should not degrade their own species to please the another... 

Saying things like "A good wife is a good sex worker to her husband. What is wrong with being a whore ... to your husband?" 

I totally understand where she's coming from, that women should fulfill men's needs. But thats a little too shallow isn't it? Why not train girls since young as prostitutes then marry them off?  Women have sex needs too, we love sex too! When she say that "Sex is a taboo in Asia society" I really disagree. Maybe in Malaysia? But I really don't think sex is a taboo topic here in Singapore. 

I have a boyfriend and sex is never our problem. I have friends with boyfriends and girlfriends and sex is also not their problem. My parents are divorced and sex is also not their problem. SEX WAS NEVER THE PROBLEM. It's communication and understanding! So what if your wife dress sexily to greet you everyday and can't help solve the problem you're facing? 

Maybe it's shallow to talk about my own relationship and own experiences, but I think it's the best gauge I can have. Furthermore alvin and I are already together for 5yr plus and have known each other bout 6yr plus already. I think thats a lot more than any other newly weds. 

Alvin love me so much because of what? Cause I'm his bestest soulmate. I'm the best person he can talk to. I keep his secrets and I understand him. When gossip girls say bestfriend don't  judge, I think it's more of good girlfriends don't judge. I have never judged him for his actions, I always supported him. If I find that there's something wrong, I immediately check with him. I will get his explanations and try to understand it. We have times that we almost broke up cause of another party but thats not cause of sex. I think both of us will never find someone better in bed cause we know each other too well; we know the dos and don'ts. What will bring us apart is most likely our differences in ideology. The times that we will love each other less is when the relationship is already on the rocks, when we feel angry for what ever actions they do and try to find fault, being unreasonable, trying to dig on past wounds. All this will just make us hate each other more. Love is mutual and both parties need to talk. We have been talking alot, trying to synchronize our ideas, our opinions about stuffs. It's not easy for us to be together, we really worked it. 

Anyways talking about whores out there, it's definitely not easy to keep him from looking. I always remind him, I always tell him that if he sees other girls or have any ill intention, that will make me feel really hurt and will upset me. I don't threaten him that I will leave or whatsoever. I just let him know that he won't want the same to happen to him; he won't want to see me with some other guys right... Your guy will never leave if he know you're THE ONE. Just ask him: Do you think it's worth it to break this relationship for that night of fun? 

I think the OWC is really redundant and its out to con money. I think I teach better stuff than they do!!!

I always have this mentality that a relationship is like flying a kite. You should know the logic that when you pull the kite too tight, it will snap. And when you let lose, the kite will come back by itself, and you will have to pull the strings back again. So same thing, if you tie your bf too tight, its gonna be strangling him, he will snap someday. Even if you have a sucky temper, he will also snap! So don't go overboard. Always have friends to hang out with, so he won't feel so suffocated that it's just you and him forever and no friends! Worse thing a girl should do is to ban him from all his friends! Try to share friends, let your girl-friends know his friends so you all can hang together, more topics! But don't try that if his friends really suck! 

My writing very not organized, I KNOW. Cause I just woke up and type everything out... Okay I'm gg to bed now. NIGHTS!!!

P.S Whats wrong with writing "CRAVING FOR YOU:(((((" on alvin's wall?! He's MY BOYFRIEND LEH and its not even explicit. zzzz

YES, I'M ALWAYS CURIOUS ABOUT THIS.

I have always been very curious with this phenomenon where pretty girls always get together with the normal/ugly guys and good looking guys always hang with not so pretty girls. Seldom you will see a SUPER HANDSOME GUY WITH A SUPER CHIO GIRL. Oh the last category, the ugly guys with ugly girls, they are all over the place and nobody cares or talks about them! (Okay la just kidding about the last part... hahaha so mean)

Let me continue... What do you think will be in the not so good looking people's mind when they get to date the hotties? Fear that they may lose them anytime? Or do they not even see their difference?

Frankly speaking, I know how I look and I do judge myself too... I know I will never date a guy cause he's good looking. Maybe it's cos I think he will throw his weight on me, like he will take me for granted, act to what he like and not respect my opinions. Yes, I always stereotype! To me, I don't see the glory or fame you can get out of having a super good looking boyfriend/girlfriend that you can bring around to flaunt. Worse when they cheat on you with your bestfriend.

Maybe it's really practical to say this but seriously if you have no money, brains or networks
(especially money) , don't ever ever dream of keeping someone hot!

Okay before this gets too one-sided, what do you think is in the mind of that hottie when he/she don't mind someone average looking?

The most common one, obviously MONEY!!!! Okay maybe they really love the normal human?? Oh about this point, alot of good looking people (I THINK) always like to look for long term partner who are nice, VERY NICE. You know, very compassionate, kind, forgiving, caring, loyal, someone who really loves them wholeheartedly... I think that is very important, because (I THINK) good looking people obviously know they are good looking, so they will not tolerate any shits from people they think is not worth their time.

It's quite dumb for me to type so much about looks yet not defining them, but like you know Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. So I can't tell you who falls under what category. It's quite personal. Especially there some people whom many see as average looking, yet they see themselves one grade higher than others.