I don't wanna expire.

I’m starting to get it. I’m starting to get the flow of writing – maybe it’s the reading, maybe it’s the time, but I’m starting to think about things a lot more. Well, not about random scenes, but about life. It sounds kind of boring when I type it out, but I’m starting to get intrigued by the stuff I can possibly think about.

Someone posted me a question, “What you gonna do in 5 years time?” That question is easy, cause I have it pictured – my career. Then he asked, “What about 10 years?” That was rather easy too, cause I know by then I would need to find a partner to get married to.

“When you hit 40?” That was so tough and what kept popping in my mind was marriage. I used to think that marriage is the last thing in my mind. Well yes, not in my mind right NOW. Especially when you read and watch reality TV/talk shows, 22 and tied down to a relationship? HELL NO!!! Think about it, to be stable at 22 means you have to see that dude for the next 40 years?! You might want to think a zillion times.

I constantly ask myself why, why marriage, since I’ve been constantly telling myself that marriage doesn’t mean eternity – it’s just a status, or worse, a paper. The only reason I could think of would be the companionship I need. I need someone there to love me, someone there to care for me. Knowing that I’ve expired, that person still sees value in me. Think about it. If you’re a can food in the grocery store, there are 3 scenes I could think of, would you rather be:

1. Swiped off the shelf first; get eaten; get thrown in the bin/recycled
2. Get off the shelf just before the expiry date; get eaten; get thrown in the bin/recycled
3.   Hit expiry date and be thrown in the bin (obviously this can’t be recycled – nobody recycles food)

Type 1 sounds cool, cause you hopped off first, but think again, if you’re that great there’s no rush to jump away and hide your beauty right?

Type 2 would be my favorite and possibly the best time to get off (IN MY OPINION), because you should have more then enough time observing the surroundings, so before you’re thrown away find a family and start something new!

Type 3 would be the position I hope I will not end up in. I don’t wanna face my old age as an old maid…

I felt I just wasted so much time typing that common sense analogy above; but I’m still going to post it because that seemed like a significant chunk. Ahh, back to the topic of hitting 40; in 3 short questions I was asked about being 40. Coincident or not, I was reading Norwegian Wood and it started talking about Kizuki’s death. Although it does not have any close relation to what I’m talking about, death does – well its not easy to come across books talking about death; not the books I often read at least.

Life is short. That’s what everyone says isn’t it? So cliché. But it hasn’t been that short until I think about it. I started to feel that whatever problems I’m facing, they are so tiny, almost microscopic. There are so many things I need to achieve before I start to hit my expiry date. I feel that I’ve so many things to learn, there are so many people out there who are so capable – it makes me feel that my brain is a peanut. It’s probably time for me to zoom-out of my situation and take a look at the big picture. Macro is amazing; it catches the finest details – wide angle is incredible cause it catches EVERYTHING.